growth, change, compromise

growing is often painful and uncomfortable these days. change has never been easy and though necessary, i often try to avoid it as much as possible. to have been put in a position of growth and change dependent upon my own decision was frustrating to me. i wanted to believe the things my head was telling me. i fought back the thoughts, my nose buring, tears welling, and the lump in my throat growing larger. “it’s not ego, nor is it about you. stop it.” and yet, the thoughts returned. do i give up? do i compromise what i believe to be true in order to hang onto something important to me? which is more important and what should take precedence? where do i draw a line and where do i bend or fold?

there are so many questions and so many uncertainties. i want to ask the universe for a clear sign, some kind of direction. and yet, i’m scared for that too. no matter the outcome, this is a scary and frustrating deal for me.

i’ve made my decision, at least for today. and i hope it’s the right one.

~ by Elle on May 10, 2009.