tara whitney and the love she brings

tara’s latest home video post (one of the awesome packages she offers her clients) tugged so fiercely at my heart strings that it surprises me still how very composed i am. i’m such a sap! but really, i’m such a lover. i love love love people and family and kids and love. yes, i love love.

when i watched that video, i dreamt of life and love and laughter and sunday afternoons.

it brought together for me so much that has been hurting or missing or jumbled in my life. struggling with my faith and various institutions, with who i am and who i want to become, with my own estranged family, with everything, i was able to breathe for a few minutes and glimpse real love and what i want in my life.

watching the smiles and the hugs, the kisses and playful gestures, the soft caress of a mother, i knew why my blood pumps. i know what i want to bring to the world. i see who i am inside in a movie about a family i’ve never met and i know that everything is okay.

am i crazy?

i don’t feel crazy.  i feel crazy in love with discovering who i am, what i like, who i want to be, where i want to be. i feel crazy in love with breaking a mold i’ve made for myself with old ideas and wants that weren’t even my own.

i feel lucky to have that opportunity.

i look forward to “discovering me” and creating something beautiful for myself and those around me.

it all sounds cheesy i’m sure, but those who had stepped out in order to step further in know exactly what i’m talking about.

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~ by Elle on July 24, 2009.

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